


set my clocks early 'cause you know i'm always late

by lizwillstealyourgirl



Series: the losers take youtube [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), F/M, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Social Media, Twitter, YouTube, aka different youtube videos i enjoy, except georgie :( sorry, sometimes not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-08 08:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21232643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwillstealyourgirl/pseuds/lizwillstealyourgirl
Summary: the losers vs the month of april





	1. TRY NOT TO LAUGH CHALLENGE: LOSER TAKEOVER

**Author's Note:**

> hi i know another series but this one does NOT need to be completed so it's different... right?
> 
> basically each chapter is another video and i do have other videos of this verse planned but YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THE ENTIRE FIC OR KEEP UP WITH IT OR ANYTHING TO ENJOY THIS
> 
> the videos are all a part of the same verse and will def provide context but like... ur good. anyways. each chapter is a youtube video set during the month of april (2020) bc it's the losers spring semester of freshman yr of college (context: they all become buddies in early september, when school started, but they all are from derry which is slightly larger than in canon, and they're all friends in different ways. also beverly and eddie are siblings but that's explained eventually but just know bev and eddie are adoptive siblings)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> martha dumptruck ** @intheflesh: ** NEW VIDEO!!! the loser takeover month begins NOW! link in bio :)

**TRY NOT TO LAUGH CHALLENGE: LOSER TAKEOVER**

_ BDEnergy _

The video began with Ben sitting on a stool drinking water, and Mike coming out from behind a wall saying, “Just so everyone knows, every time I go back here, Eddie puts my phone on the tray and just holds it.”

Ben laughed, slipping down off the stool while Eddie stepped into the view of the camera, holding Mike’s phone on a red lunch tray and grinning awkwardly at the Losers who sat just behind the camera. “He’s not using it for his bit,” Mike continued. “There’s no point, he’s just _ doing _ it.”

There was a cut, and then the screen showed all seven of the Losers huddled together, Beverly sitting in the stool rather than Ben with everyone circled around her. Bill had his arms looped around Stan and Mike’s shoulders, but he was gesticulating with the one around Mike as he spoke. “W-what’s up you gu-guys, it’s Bill here, with the Losers Club!” He paused while everyone whooped and cheered. “Happy April 1st, A.K.A. Loser Takeover Month, A.K.A. a sh-shit ton of collabs on all of our channels, and for day one, w-we’re starting on mine w-with the _Try Not To Laugh Challenge_!”

Eddie clapped his hands and picked up where Bill left off. “Basically, we’ll each have a shot to try not to laugh, we’re gonna have water in our mouths, if you spit you lose-”

“Spitters are quitters,” Richie interrupted.

Eddie narrowed his eyes at Richie. “I should’ve fucking known you would’ve made a stupid joke like that, God, you’re such an asshole-”

“Not again,” Beverly whined and elbowed Eddie. “Anyways,” she hissed, “there’s not really an official winner but everyone is gonna have 30 seconds to make us laugh! Also, no touching. It’ll be fun, let’s go.”

“Bev’s in the chair, so she’s starting,” Stan said, and everyone responded with shrugs and hums of agreement.

The camera zoomed in on Beverly’s face and froze, the title_ ROUND ONE: BEVERLY _ scrawling over her face while a voiceover read the words aloud. (This same animation would be the same for each transition, however tailored to the specific Loser on deck. The author is simply too lazy to reformat the already written chapter and include that information later on.)

_ **ROUND ONE: BEVERLY** _

**Beverly; Ben**

“Hi!” Ben shouted and clipped the drumsticks in his hand like an X. “I’m Travis Barker!” He walked towards the bongo drums and paused for a moment before beginning to slam on them furiously, causing Beverly to jump in surprise. Finally, she spun around in her stool to look at him. He kept banging on the drums until all of a sudden, he stopped, dropping his arms to his sides and huffing and puffing like he’d lost his breath. Then, as he audibly inhaled, he rushed forward, putting the two sticks into his left hand and raising them like a weapon, before screaming. As soon as Beverly spit out her water, he walked away silently.

“Oh my God,” Beverly laughed, standing up and covering the ear Ben screamed into. “Wow, uh, Travis Barker needs to chill the _ fuck _ out.”

**Beverly; Mike**

Beverly, mouth full of water again, scratched at her thigh before startling as Mike jumped out from behind her. “Uh oh,” he said, a wide smile on his face. “You hear that?” He began jingling a cowbell and Beverly scrunched up her face in confusion. “It’s the sound of a stumpy little fool.” Beverly looked at the camera, only amused because she was deeply confused as to what the punchline was, and shook her head with wide eyes. “Uh oh,” Mike said again, “do you hear that?” This time he reached around her and rang the cowbell behind her, leaning and cupping his hand around her ear. He waited until she was turning pink to whisper, “You dumb-”

Beverly spit out her water over the stool. “What the fuck were you gonna say?” she asked, laughing.

“Oh, I have no idea,” Mike admitted as he walked away.

**Beverly; Eddie**

When it was Eddie’s turn, he was wearing a large top hat and a black firefighter jacket. “I’m late,” he said, having only just rounded the corner and made it on-screen. Once he stood next to Beverly, he added, “For the-” he grabbed the velcro from the top of the coat and began pulling down- “appointment.”

Richie, from behind the camera, shouted,_ “Ohhhh!” _

As Eddie kept pulling down, Beverly was leaning backwards, trying not to laugh, before spitting out her water and coughing. Eddie continued anyway, saying in the same lilted voice, “That was a little premature.” He ripped off the coat and turned his back to Beverly, squatting down just a little so she was at eye level with his shoulder blades. Then, he spoke in his regular voice. “I need you to look at this mole, it’s got like - a weird - boundary.”

**Beverly; Bill**

Behind the wall, Eddie played the_ Pink Panther _theme song while Bill walked slowly, a tall, wide brim hat on his head. Without saying a word, he stood next to Beverly, making direct eye contact while pushing down on the top of his hat. Nothing happened, and he pushed again, and again, and again, and each time he pressed his hand down on the hat, he made the movements more exaggerated and dramatic. The laughter from the Losers grew and grew until finally, he tore the hat off to reveal a pink whoopie cushion, which he removed from the hat and smashed on his hair. Beverly spit her water immediately.

“I was so confused,” Beverly told Bill as he walked away grinning. “I was like, _ Is this it? _”

**Beverly; Richie**

“Hello, Beverly,” Richie said in a high, squeaky voice and slight European accent. “Do you know who I am?” Beverly shook her head, giggling slightly. “I am your biggest-” Richie paused to pull out a handheld fan and flick it open- “stalker.” He began fanning himself as all the Losers laughed, Beverly struggling not to spit.

“You have my favorite blood type,” Richie continued, “which is none.” Before she could even turn away from Richie, Beverly began spitting out her water. Richie cracked up and jumped away.

“Did I spit on you?” Beverly asked apologetically.

Richie just kept laughing. “No, I totally ninja-dodged it, don’t worry.”

**Beverly; Stan**

Stan was dressed in a Captain America suit as he walked up to Beverly silently. Upon making eye contact with her, he lifted his hand to reveal Thanos’ gauntlet. Beverly’s eyes widened, and she began shaking with closed-mouthed laughter. Still without making a sound, Stan turned around slowly to reveal his butt, which had been stuffed to make him look thicker. Beverly opened her mouth to cough and laugh.

“It’s America’s ass!” she screeched with joy. Stan turned his head and made a face at the camera.

  
_ **ROUND TWO: RICHIE** _

**Richie; Bill**

Bill came out from around the corner wearing a blue suit jacket and a blonde, anime style wig that stood up straight. He brought a stool with him, swinging his leg over it as he sat down and said, “Mr. Rickburg, I have s-s-s-s-” Bill cleared his throat. “I have some g-good news and I have s-some bad news. The g-good news is w-we found your son - who’s been missing for 20 years - he’s healthy, he’s fine. Unfortunately, he is a _ massive _ fan of James Cordon.” Richie snorted, but didn’t spit out his water. “If you don’t w-want to make contact with him, oh - here he is!”

Bill pointed, and poking his head out from behind the couch with a cowboy hat on was Mike, saying in a funny voice, “Hold on, nah, nah, now that’s-”

Richie spit out his water before Mike could finish.

**Richie; Ben**

“Yeah, no worries honey, I’ll take care of the little guy while you’re gone, we’ll spend the day bonding,” Ben said over his shoulder, wearing a long brown wig tied back into a ponytail. Then, in a terrible Irish accent, Ben squatted to Richie’s level and said, “Hello there, Richie! It’s me, your new step dad Seamus!” Richie was already turning pink and his cheeks were doubling in size. When Ben spoke again, it had morphed into something more British. “Now, I don’t want you to think I’m replacing your dad - CAUSE I’VE ALREADY DONE IT! And when I’m tongue-punching the back of your mom’s throat, it won’t be your crusty old dad she’s thinking of!”

Just as Richie started to tremble with bit-down laughter, Ben turned over his shoulder again and said, now without any accent, “Have a good day at the office, Maggie!”

First, Richie spat out his water. Then he choked on it. Then he coughed. _ Then _ he punched Ben in the shoulder. “I can’t believe you name-dropped my fucking _ mom _,” Richie said, laughing and wiping the dribble away from his chin. 

Ben shrugged, laughing too as he threw an arm around Richie’s shoulders. “I knew a mom joke would get you best,” he admitted. “I was gonna name-drop your dad next.”

“Oh, I’m sure Wentworth would’ve appreciated that,” Richie teased.

**Richie; Beverly**

Beverly came out with a plastic arm stuck into the sleeve of her shirt, serving to replace the arm she had tucked inside. Stan came out too, standing in front of Richie and across from Beverly. She lifted the fake arm up and pulled the hand back with her real one, and Stan leaned in closer. When she released it, the hand made a clapping noise against Stan’s cheek. “Oh,” Stan muttered, startled.

“That was more than I thought it was going to be when I signed up for this bit,” Stan admitted. Beverly giggled and stuck her arm out to do it again. This time, she aimed for Stan’s stomach, but at the last second, moved it so the hand would hit his neck. He squeaked in surprise.

“So,” Beverly said, turning to Richie, who was turning bright red, “you’re looking to try Viagra.”

Richie spit out his water and screamed, “What?!”

**Richie; Stan**

Stan cleared his throat and tapped on the fake microphone he pulled from his pocket. “Hey, wanna see a magic trick?” he asked. Richie nodded, grinning. “Okay, close your eyes, and say _ double jew _ three times.” 

The camera zoomed in on Richie as he scrunched his eyes shut and mumbled something that sounded less like _ double jew _ and more like the starting notes to _ Jingle Bells _. Once he did it three times, Stan said, “Now, open your eyes.”

The camera cut, and next to Stan was a mirror, held up high enough that Richie was looking directly into his own eyes. A kippah was drawn on the mirror, a little bit off centered and not perfectly on Richie’s head, but close enough. Obviously, Richie lost that round.

**Richie; Mike**

“Alright Tyler,” Mike said in a high pitched voice and ran out onto the ‘stage’, placing the camera carefully on the drumset and pretending to look at himself in the viewfinder. He placed a mini skateboard on the ground and scuttled backwards a few steps. He braced himself and then ran forward, but the skateboard was immediately crushed underneath him. Richie choked on the water in his mouth before coughing and spitting it out, laughing furiously.

**Richie; Eddie**

“Hey girl,” Eddie said, walking out like a douchebag with sagging jeans and a backwards hat. He held his phone in his hand, and Richie was already turning pink with the effort of trying not to laugh. (He _ especially _ couldn’t laugh for Eddie. Eddie would never let him live it down.) “You know, I was thinking maybe we could go back to my place, light some candles, talk real smooth, go to my bedroom, maybe we could-”

Eddie pressed a button on his phone and projected was a recording of his own monotonous voice saying, _ “File our taxes.” _ Richie sputtered, but no water came out.

“Then you know, lay you down, spread it out, you know what I mean? And then? Oh, you know what’s next, we’ll-”

_ “Graduate from the University of Phoenix.” _

“And then it’s time for the finisher,” Eddie continued, now laughing quietly along with the Losers who were cracking up off screen. “Right as you about to explode, we’ll both look into each other’s eyes-”

_ “Read the bible.” _

Beverly started cheering immediately, all of the Losers laughing loudly while Richie kicked his feet against the stool and flailed his arms, trying not to laugh, but the corner of his lips were starting to let a few drops of water out. “Wait, wait,” Eddie said, giggling, “one more time.”

_ “Read the bible. And then have sex.” _

Richie spit his water right onto Eddie’s phone, but Eddie was too busy laughing to care.

_ **ROUND THREE: STAN** _

**Stan; Mike**

Stan took a sip of his water, smiling closed-mouthed at the Losers and camera from his spot on the stool. He propped on leg up on the bar and the other on the floor, leaning forward with his elbow resting on the bent knee. From behind him, Mike cleared his throat, so Stan turned slightly to look. Mike was holding a plastic hand-pointer toy, the kind that bent the fingers when you pulled on the little trigger of the handle. He walked forward and stood next to Stan. Leaning in and making direct eye contact, Mike slowly brought the finger up to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it.

Immediately, Stan spit out his water onto Mike’s face. Mike dropped the finger, laughing furiously, and Stan’s cheeks flushed bright red.

“I am so sorry,” Stan said, now giggling softly. “I just - I really was not expecting to see _ that _ from you.”

Mike pressed a kiss to Stan’s temple as he walked by.

**Stan; Ben**

“I don’t know if this one’s gonna be funny enough,” Ben admitted nervously, holding a skeleton and a skateboard - the one from Mike and Richie’s thing earlier, having somehow reattached the wheels that broke off from before - in his hand. He walked up to the drum and mimed the skeleton skateboarding, and as he held the toy in one hand, he flipped the board around with the other. Upon setting the skeleton back onto the skateboard, he said, surprised, “Oh fuck.” Stan threw his hands up to stop himself, but it was too late; he spit out all over his own thighs.

As Stan laughed, cheeks turning bright pink, Ben wrapped the skeleton’s arms around his neck like it was hugging him. It only made Stan laugh more.

**Stan; Bill**

A masked figure with a plastic axe came out from behind the wall, first appearing in Stan’s peripheral vision. It took him a moment to realize that it was Bill in the hard-shell skull mask, but he already almost laughed upon noticing him. He silently stood on the far side of the room, in line with Stan’s stool, and turned to look at him sideways. He dropped his head in exasperation and covered his face with the hand not holding the axe. “Aw, man,” he mumbled. Stan started laughing, and watering began dribbling out, but Bill kept going.

“He doesn’t want to do it!” Richie shouted while Beverly cackled beside him.

“Hey, man-” he clicked her tongue and sighed- “i-it’s time to die, it’s time to die. I’m s...s-sorry. I’m _ sorry _ _!_ I’m sorry, I hate to do this!”

As he walked off stage, Stan having lost pretty quickly, Mike said animatedly, “Dude, you’ve gotta change your job! Greasey’s is hiring downtown!”

**Stan; Beverly**

“Alright, I’m ready,” Eddie said. “Stan, you ready?” Stan hummed, and looked over his shoulder, only to see Beverly leaning against the wall, staring at him and smiling creepily.

He spit out his water. “What the fuck, Beverly?”

“I’m not doing anything,” she defended, still smiling.

Stan laughed, and Eddie came out from around the corner too. “Dude, it’s my turn, get off,” he told Beverly. 

She didn’t budge. “I’m literally just standing here.” _ Still smiling! _

Stan flipped her off and said, “Fuck off, Bev,” laughing, before he took another sip of water. 

Just as soon as he set the water bottle down, she ran up to him and shouted, “What are you talking about, Stan?” while lifting up her sweatshirt. The camera didn’t show it, but she’d flashed Stan.

“Oh my God!” Eddie screamed, running behind the wall while Stan giggled, but no more water came out. Richie and Beverly were laughing too.

“I kinda-” Beverly said, walking up to Stan and cutting herself off to laugh. “I kinda wish you’d just like - spit on my titties.”

Stan spit out his water immediately, but not before Eddie could scream, “WHAT THE FU-”

**Stan; Eddie**

Finally, Eddie came out with a red toy phone, waddling up to Stan’s side. “Watch this,” he said, smiling brightly. Stan huffed. “Hello, Pizza Hut?” Eddie paused. “I’m a registered sex offender.”

The Losers all cracked up loudly, and Eddie put the phone back down and pretended to dial a number. “Watch this though,” Eddie continued in the same light and happy voice. “Hello, Taco Bell? I’m a registered sex offender.”

“Watch this though.” Eddie dialed the phone one last time. “Hello, Karen? Why the fuck won’t you go out with me?”

Stan spit. Eddie won. Behind the camera, everyone laughed.

**Stan; Richie**

“Hey, yo, will you strap me in?” Richie said, wearing an unstrapped helmet and some sort of decorative bra overtop his t-shirt. Stan grinned and mumbled an agreement. He pointed at the bra in questioning. “This one-” Richie pointed at the helmet angrily- “not my bra, you pervert!”

Stan giggled and shrugged. He reached out for the bra jokingly and Richie jumped backwards. “What the heck?” Stan put up little prayer hands, although he was still holding the water bottle in one of his hands. He continued to giggle, and waggled his brows before sitting up straight and facing away from Richie. “Yo, you’re making me hot right now,” Richie said, breathless as if it were a confession. “Actually you can strap me in, alright!”

Stan reached out to do so, but spit his water out before he could. 

_ **ROUND FOUR: BILL** _

**Bill; Beverly**

Beverly, in an American flag bikini and neon green spandex shorts, came out from behind the wall with a clear rain suit draped over her undergarments. She walked quickly to stand beside Bill, who was already kicking his feet in an attempt to avoid laughing. Her legs squeaked as she walked, the plastic material rubbing back and forth, and she froze upon making it to Bill. Beverly lifted her arm to the wall behind her and said in a monotonous voice, “And Ontario will be 42 degrees this afternoon, followed by a light rain, so you might want to get your, uh,” Beverly paused to gesture at her overcoat, “_ jackets _ on.”

Bill was turning bright red, his cheeks puffing out like a squirrel, and Beverly dropped her arm to turn away from Bill. “Now onto sports,” she said, still emotionless, and waited for the group to stop laughing. “Which I also do,” she added, and crossed her arms in front of her crotch, only to be spit on by Bill while he broke out into furious laughter.

**Bill; Eddie**

“Oh!” Eddie started off in song. The words he sang fell in sync with his drumming on the bongo. “Hey, hey, hey, what am I gonna put up my ass today? Let’s go see!” He took his hands off the drum to swing a backpack off his shoulder and unzip it. “I’m gonna open up my pack, a-doo-doo-doodoo-doo!” He slammed his hand on the drum as he pulled out a red bouncy ball. “It’s a ball!”

Still singing, Eddie began lifting the back of his shirt and sliding his hands along with the ball down into his waistband. “I’m gonna put a ball up my ass! I’m gonna put a ball up my ass!”

Bill laughed, but Eddie did too.

**Bill; Stan**

“You’re probably wondering why I brought us here,” Stan said, holding two empty lunch trays in his hand, “but didn’t buy us food. Well, it’s because I’m poor but also mad at you.”

Something about the slur in Stan’s voice or the deadpan expression on his face caused Bill to lose _ extremely _ quickly. Stan giggled as he walked away, and Bill blew him a kiss. He rolled his eyes, but pretended to catch it anyway.

**Bill; Richie**

For some reason, Richie was wearing a chicken suit when he came around the corner. “I heard what you got into back in Nashville,” Richie said in an unrecognizable accent and deep voice, causing Bill to turn around and smile at him. “For too long, my family has suffered at the hands of people like you,” Richie continued, pulling two swords out of the back of his costume and holding them at his sides before lifting one up to hand to Bill. “I’ll give you a fair shake, though.”

Bill snorted and looked down to avoid laughing. Richie grinned, gently placing the sword on Bill’s thigh and saying, “That’s for you.” Beverly cackled from her spot on the couch. Bill picked it up but continued to look away from Richie. “As we battle to our mortal death,” Richie continued, and then Bill lifted his head to see Richie raise his sword and say, “I’m gonna show you how hot this chicken is.”

Everyone laughed, including Bill, who spit his water all over Richie’s chicken suit. Richie dropped the act to look at the camera and said, “He ate hot chicken in Nashville, I’m a chicken, it’s the joke, Game of Thrones, back on Sunday!”

“It’s never coming back!” Eddie squawked, and Richie flipped him off dramatically.

**Bill; Ben**

“You are now entering battle with Traitor Joey!” Ben threw a rubber Poke Ball onto the floor in front of Bill and ran out, shouting, “Go! Rattata!” He froze before screaming, “Oh my God!”

The camera panned to a skeleton rat on the ground, and Bill spit out his water immediately.

**Bill; Mike**

Mike, in an ill-fitting sweater vest he wore as a shirt, walked with a bounce in his step as he marched up to Bill, grinning and saying to the Losers, “Hey, how’s it going? Hey, what’s up?” He gave a fake chuckle and pointed at the camera. “Alright, uh, say it to camera? Uh, cool, okay. Um. Hi. I’m Mike Hanlon, I’m over 18, and I’m 6’2”.” (Mike was _ definitely _ 5’11”, so Bill was already struggling not to laugh.)

Mike cleared his throat. “Okay,” he whispered, and breathed in deep. “You could’ve gotten us killed, or worse, expelled. It’s not wingardium leviosa, it’s levio-” He cut himself off and shook his head. “Sorry, could I - can I start again?” Mike fumbled with his shirt nervously. “I’m just not feeling into it,” he said, and then folded his shirt to expose his stomach. 

This time, when he repeated the lines, he was more expressive, eyes wide with laughter. “You could’ve gotten us killed, or worse, _ EXPELLED! _ It’s not wingardium leviosa, it’s levio _ sa _.” As he pulled his shirt back down, he said, “Uh, thank you, um, do you need a headshot, or-”

Bill cut him off to laugh, and then to applaud. “You fucking nerd,” he teased, but Mike kissed him anyway.

** _ROUND FIVE: MIKE_ **

**Mike; Eddie**

Eddie came out with a pair of bongos and placed them directly next to Mike, before slamming on them loudly. Mike just watched him, smiling slightly. After a solid thirty or so seconds of purely beating the drums, Eddie raised a fist for Mike.

“Just saw _ Black Panther _,” he said, and Mike lost very quickly. 

**Mike; Bill**

Bill cleared his throat, standing _ very close _ to Mike, and placed a bright red cowboy hat atop his head. “ _ Heeeeeeeerrrrrr _ mama w...was a cowboy and her daddy was a cowboy and now she’s also a cowboy!” he sang to Mike, tapping his toes and bopping his head. Mike snorted. “And I was born on the river and you were born on the river a...a-a-a-” Bill cut himself off to hiss, “FUCK.”

Mike giggled again, but didn’t spit. “Um,” Bill said dumbly, before jumping in front of him, back to the camera, and lifting his shirt. Mike sputtered and dribbled water all over himself, although he tried to catch it with his hands. Bill cracked up and turned around to show the camera the drawing on his stomach of three stick figures holding hands right above his belly button.

Mike put his hand on Bill’s waist and buried his head into the spot between his shoulder blades, laughing hard enough that it was silent despite the shake in his shoulders. “Dork,” he mumbled.

**Mike; Ben**

“Next up at the Derry Talent Show: it’s Bobby Shithead!” Ben announced in a deep voice from behind the wall. He came around the corner, bouncing with excitement while dressed in a magician’s coat and a top hat.

From the couch, Beverly and Richie cheered dramatically. (Well, Beverly _ cheered _. Richie booed.)

“Alright, what’s up,” Ben said in a monotone voice, one that teetered on the edge of being depressed, something so wholly unlike Ben it caused Mike to giggle. “Um, I’m gonna do some magic for you. My first trick is I’m gonna get magically rejected.”

Ben turned to ‘the audience’, or the space just beyond the camera. “Uh, Greta, you wanna go out?” After pausing for a beat, he said, “That’s what I thought,” and dropped to a squat, one leg out front while he threw the camera finger guns.

When Mike spit out his water, the spray barely missed Ben.

**Mike; Richie**

Richie, in a bright red crop top and low hanging skinny jeans, stood in between Mike and the camera. “What’s up, Derry Retirement Home? So you’ve fallen and you can’t get up. Don’t press that Life Alert button just yet, ‘cause you’re gonna follow my techniques. Plant-” he held up two hands- “squeeze-” he flexed his muscles, pulling his arms in tight while leaving his hands in the air- “and lunge.” He finished by spreading his legs. “Like so. Follow me.” Richie spun around to lay on the ground, placing his hands by his head and pulling his knees up. Mike was already struggling not to laugh. “Okay, here we go.”

Richie lifted himself up, throwing his legs back and pressing down with his hands. When he swung his legs forward, closer to the ground, his ankles turned to the side and it was not his feet that landed on the ground, but rather, his calves. Immediately, Mike opened his mouth to laugh, causing a stream of water to fall directly onto Richie’s face. Richie sputtered, but turned red with laughter.

“Did you think that one through, dumbass?” Eddie teased. Richie just kept laughing.

**Mike; Beverly**

“I have a question,” Beverly said, softer than she normally would speak on camera; soft enough for the audience to assume this was not for show. “Honestly, would you rather me be, like, in a-”

“Are you _ telling _ me your joke?” Mike asked, laughing. He was holding his water bottle, but not drinking from it.

Beverly laughed too. “No, but what would you prefer?” she asked, holding up a sweater. “You want a witch Hogwarts joke?”

“I feel like - ‘cause you don’t know much about Harry Potter, right?” Mike asked.

“Literally nothing,” Beverly admitted.

Mike grinned. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I dare you to make a Harry Potter joke.”

“Okay!” Beverly agreed happily. After a beat, she asked, “Are they supposed to be wearing two layers?”

Mike cracked up. “Yes, yeah - it’s chilly at Hogwarts.”

The clip cut to Mike once more, now with a mouthful of water in his puffed out cheeks. Beverly rushed out from behind the wall looking mangled, one arm stuck halfway through the sleeve and bent at the elbow while the other tried to pull the sweater down. In a strange voice, one she’d likely stolen from Richie, Beverly said, “It’s chilly at Hogwarts!”

It wasn’t funny, honestly, but Mike lost it anyway.

**Mike; Stan**

Stan was wearing the same long black coat that Ben had worn earlier, though now, it was beneath a feathery black scarf. From the couch, Richie played some _ Game of Thrones _-esque violin, and upon standing next to Mike, Stan began to very slowly and deliberately pull a plastic sword out of his coat. It was only a beat later that Mike spit out his water, losing simply at the sight of Stan. 

Stan looked somewhere between disappointed and exasperated and amused and in love, all at once. Quietly, he asked, “Can I still tell my joke?”

Mike grinned. “Yes, please do.”

Stan cleared his throat and looked at the camera. “I’m here to fuck my aunt,” he said seriously, and Mike laughed again.

  
** _ROUND SIX: BEN_ **

**Ben; Beverly**

Beverly walked up to Ben quickly with her hands behind her back. “I’m not too sure about this one,” she admitted. “You’ll be nice, right?” she asked. Ben hummed, nodded quickly. “Just be nice about it, okay. This joke’s not that smart. It’s actually a little _ drum _ .” As she said _ drum _, she pulled a small bongo out from behind her back.

Ben sputtered, but he didn’t spit. He was even turning red just trying not to laugh. Then, Beverly said again, “It’s a little drum,” and Ben lost immediately.

**Ben; Stan**

“Benjamin Marcus Hanscom,” Stan shouted while Ben screwed the lid of his water bottle back on. Upon hearing his name, Ben darted up to look at Stan, and he giggled around the mouthful of water at the sight of Stan wearing a referee jersey and a bright red cape, holding a yellow megaphone. “They say chivalry is dead.” He paused while everyone laughed on the other side of the room. “But it’s not. ‘Cause I wanted you to know that that ass is fat.”

Ben threw his head back, and then immediately tipped his head forward as water began dribbling out of his mouth. Bill and Richie’s laughter echoed the most around the entire room. “And I luh you, girl,” Stan continued, voice still deadpan but loud. “I will do anything to be your man. I can’t drive, you gotta come pick me up, but I’m a good man. I work sometimes.”

Ben had long since lost, but everyone’s laughter only spurred Stan on, and he kept going. “Only sometimes,” he added, and Ben spit out the rest of his water. As Stan walked away to put his props down, he hugged Ben from the back. Ben only kept giggling.

**Ben; Richie**

Richie, wearing the same red cowboy hat from Bill’s song to Mike, stood behind the bongo set. Silently and dramatically, he whipped out two plastic fish from his back pockets and began slamming them against the drums. He actually kept up a really good rhythm, having played the drums since eighth grade. Ben quickly spat out his water, but before he could even laugh, Richie accidentally tossed the fish with the forcefulness of his drumming. He looked at his hands for just a second before pulling out another fish from his pocket, causing Ben to laugh so hard he fell off the stool.

**Ben; Mike**

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here,” Mike said, walking up to Ben with his hands behind his back, reminiscent of Beverly’s bit. “I don’t know how I feel about this.” Ben giggled, humming his acknowledgement. Mike pulled out a large pair of scissors and a plastic toy toilet and shouted, “Big scissors! Little potty!” Ben spit in surprise, and everyone laughed. Mike smiled and darted away.

**Ben; Eddie**

“So _ this _is the promo shoot of War of the Worlds. Dakota Fanning,” Eddie said, holding up a puppet. Then, pointing at himself, he said, “Tom Cruise.”

Eddie looked up at the ceiling as if it were a camera and smiled, holding the puppet in his hands. He waited a beat before pausing again, this time looking afraid. He posed again, throwing the puppet on the ground and very dramatically mourning over its body. A few more poses of varying degrees of grieving led to Eddie lifting the puppet off the ground and just about tossing it behind him.

“Act natural, D-Dakota,” Eddie said, but the _ Dakota _ came out all garbled, like he’d glitched when he’d said it, so Ben spit immediately in laughter.

**Ben; Bill**

Wearing an orange shawl and Halloween-themed sombrero, Bill walked up next to Ben and monotonously asked, “Hey, have you s-seen _ Coco _ y-yet?” 

Ben giggled, and looked away, opting not to respond. All the other Losers laughed, and from her spot on the couch, Beverly playfully shouted, “Stop!”

“I haven’t,” Bill admitted. “I just got kicked out of a Baja Fresh. For…” Bill paused, lacing his fingers together in front of himself and holding his arms out just slightly, standing up straighter and lifting his chin. Just as Ben began to spit his water out, Bill continued to speak, now in a much higher pitch, “Murder.” He laughed along with Ben and the other Losers, before looking at the camera and saying, “I actually did see _ Coco _, I’m w...w-woke!” Everyone simply laughed some more.

  
** _ROUND SEVEN: EDDIE_ **

**Eddie; Mike**

Mike stumbled out from behind the wall shirtless, hair looking slightly disheveled. He fell to the ground adjacent to Eddie on all fours and cleared his throat, staring directly into the camera. “Alright, uh, this is it. I’m gonna attempt to shift. Me and my wolf pack, we do this after school.” Eddie was already struggling not to laugh. “So, yeah, I’ll just-” Mike gestured vaguely before stuffing a pair of plastic fangs into his mouth. “I’ll show you my shift.”

Once the fake teeth were settled atop his real ones, he arched his back and raised his chin, growling softly. With wide eyes, he bared his fangs to Eddie, who was shaking and red-faced but hadn’t lost yet. Mike shook around on the ground, bouncing as much as he could on his hands and knees, before ripping out his fangs and taking a deep breath, as if he was exerting extraneous energy to ‘shift’. He sighed, and sat back on his heels, looking at Eddie and saying, “So I’m back to Claire.”

Eddie turned his head and spit towards the camera violently.

**Eddie; Bill**

Richie and Bill stood in front of Eddie, dead silent, each wearing two black boxing gloves. Richie froze, pulling his arms back just a little, and Bill leaned in to punch his groin. It wasn’t clear if it was a reaction or part of the bit, but immediately, Richie spit a mouthful of water onto Bill’s face, and just as quickly, Eddie spit his water on both of them. Richie pouted and threw a lazy punch at Bill too, but Eddie had already lost.

**Eddie; Beverly**

Ben, who was rarely _ ever _ shirtless, ran in front of Eddie and began violently performing jumping jacks while making direct eye contact. Eddie already was blushing, and trying to turn his head, but everywhere he turned his head, Ben followed his line of sight. After a few full seconds of Ben jumping up and down, Beverly moved up next to Eddie and said, “On a scale of 1-10, would you purchase these Nikes?” Eddie snorted and spit out his water onto Beverly’s feet.

As Ben and Beverly walked away, Eddie screeched, “They’re fucking Vans, too!”

**Eddie; Stan**

“I wanted to get your advice on something,” Stan said, seriously. “I recently found out that I am-” he cut himself off, seemingly choked, and Eddie giggled. “I recently found out that I am gay,” he said, voice wet and crackly as fake tears threatened to spill out. “I know _ nothing _ about the culture, I’m really gonna need a lot-” he stopped to laugh- “a lot of help, to - to be _ authentic- _ ” Eddie started to let water dribble out from the corners of his mouth- “and from an _ uber _ gay person like yourself-”

Stan’s voice was drowned out by the sound of Eddie spitting water everywhere.

**Eddie; Ben**

In the same magician’s coat as before, Ben stood in front of Eddie and cleared his throat, standing poshly with his chin upturned and shoulders back. “Welcome to Panera,” he said, and Eddie giggled. “Are you _ bread-y _ for a good time?” As soon as he finished his question, someone - presumably Bill - chucked a plastic loaf of bread at Ben’s gut. Ben doubled over, and immediately, Eddie spit out his water.

**Eddie; Richie**

Eddie sat up straight as could be on the stool upon seeing Richie emerge from behind the wall. When he spoke, it was in a poor Boston accent. “Alright, I’ll just get that door for you,” Richie said, miming shutting a car door. “And we’re off,” he continued, sitting down on a second stool that’d been brought out for him.

“Nice night for a drive, aye, miss?” Richie asked as he pretended to drive. “The night, of course, being August 31st, 1997.” The other Losers, Ben and Mike in particular, had seemed to catch on, both cracking up just as Richie began asking, “Any particular music you want to listen to, _ Princess Diana _?”

When Eddie spit out his water, it looked more like a sprinkler or a fan, and Richie kept pretending to drive. Eddie paced the room, the camera capturing a few glimpses of his pure distraught as he leaned against the wall and pressed his cheek to the cold plaster. “There’s a whole second bit I have planned with Bill where you find out she’s still alive and everything’s fine, I swear,” Richie explained around a giggle.

The video cut, featuring one of those little ‘ERROR’ screens as transition before showing Eddie standing next to the stool, Richie still pretending to drive, and Bill in a neon green jersey. “Hey, what’s that in the road over there?” Richie asked in an over dramatic voice.

“Help, help, I’m a time traveler, and you two are the only ones that can help me s...s-s-save the w-world in the future!” Bill exclaimed, very half-assed.

Richie sounded like an infomercial host when he asked, “What about our responsibilities here on Earth? Won’t people notice that we’re gone?”

“No, w-we’ll just leave body doubles behind!”

“Oh, so we’ll be okay saving a different timeline!”

The camera cut back to Eddie who was turning bright red, laughing exasperatedly at Richie and Bill. He shook his head, looking astonished, and buried his face in his hands.

“Thank you Bill,” Richie said in his normal voice for the first time since before the bit began.

“W-w-we did it,” Bill responded the same way.

“Yes, we did.”

_ **OUTRO** _

“So!” Bill said, clapping his hands together, causing all of the Losers, who were huddled by the stool, to jump in surprise. “That w-was day one of the Loser Takeover! Next time, uh, I guess tomorrow, w-we’ll be on Ben’s channel, right?”

“Yeah!” Ben agreed cheerfully. “We’re going to be-” he broke to laugh, and Richie smacked him in the side. “We’re going to be redesigning Richie and Bill’s horrible, _ horrible _ man cave, per the request of one Stanley Uris.”

Richie squawked and glared at Stan, and Bill pouted. “You guys live in squalor,” Stan whined. “It’s so gross. I never want to make out with Bill down there, and I want to be able to make out with my boyfriend in the apartment he and I both live in.”

“Um, and _ I _ want to be able to eat cheddar-caramel popcorn on the couch naked in the apartment _ I _ live in, but you don’t see me complaining!”

“Ew,” Bill said, scrunching his nose up in disgust. “Did you do that before S-Stan moved in?”

“Maybe,” Richie responded in that voice that clearly meant_ yes _. “What’s it to you?”

“Dude,” Eddie scolded mid-laugh, and Beverly groaned along with him. “So gross.”

Ben clapped his hands, kind of like how Bill had earlier. “_ Anyways _ , I’ve assembled an awesome team to help fix up the Tozier-Denbrough Masturbation Station - including pretty much all the Losers _ except _ Richie and Bill - so it’s gonna be a super fun video uploaded tomorrow evening!”

“Bye!” Mike waved, and the others all joined in, cheering and waving along with him, before the screen went dark.

* * *

**TRY NOT TO LAUGH CHALLENGE: LOSER TAKEOVER**

_ BDEnergy _

uploaded April 1st, 2020 (26:47)

**Samantha Buckley: **beverly standing there smiling creepily at stan… LMFAOOO

** snawrzleburf:** when i say i howled

**Ryan Lane: **what really cracks me up is that it’s a try not to laugh challenge and they all laughed so they all lost?!?!?! like idk thats so cute to me they all know each other so well AWWW

**dicksterkoshter:** as a richie tozier stan, i approve this message

**Renateshaem:** Am I the only one who didn’t know Stan, Bill, and Richie live together?

** denbroughwohours:** I had no idea! “I want to be able to eat caramel cheddar popcorn on the couch naked in the apartment *I* live in” Richie is so gross ahahaha

** Renateshaem:** Right?! I love him though. (PS: Love your @! Is it supposed to be Denbrough-O hours like owo?)

** denbroughwohours:** YES HAHA one time he said that on a Tik Tok and it’s genuinely stuck with me

**marthadumpstruck:** i really cannot stress this enough: MIKE SUCKS DICK

** Cailey Dody:** The way Stan reacted when Mike put the finger in his mouth… I cried

**Maggie Stewart:** i have the same name as richie’s mom !!!! richie tozier c’mere let me adopt u

** ✓ BDEnergy:** richie said as much as he appreciates the offer he likes his mom! he does however invite you to be his stepmom :)

** Maggie Stewart:** I CANT BELIEVE IVE BEEN NOTICED KSHBDKSB LOVE YOU BILL AND ALL THE LOSERS AND RICHIE AND STUF F KSHJFKS

**✓ BDEnergy:** we love you too!!!!!!!!! *heart*

**Melody Sui:** Shirtless Mike…oomf

** mickeyvthecinematicagenda:** I KNOOOW RIIIGHHHT

** lawrenciumster:** shirtless mike yes but SHIRTLESS BEN ?!?!?!?!?! whew

**hydroflasksksk: **im breathless at these men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i stole all of these bits from try not to laugh on smosh pit!!! i unfortunately don't know where all of them for sure are from so i left those spots blank :(
> 
> Beverly  
1\. Travis Barker (#32?)  
2\. Uh oh - you hear that (#22)  
3\. I’m late (#22)  
4\. Whoopie cushion (#22)  
5\. I am your biggest stalker (#22)  
6\. America’s ass (#24)
> 
> Richie  
1\. Massive James Cordon fan (#9)  
2\. Your new step dad Seamus (#20)  
3\. So you’re looking to try Viagra (#24)  
4\. Double asian (#24)  
5\. Skateboard breaks (#23)  
6\. File our taxes (#20)
> 
> Stan  
1\. Ian puts a finger in his mouth! (#28)  
2\. I don’t know if this is funny (#24)  
3\. Reluctant murderer (#14)  
4\. Olivia flashes Keith (Back To School Special)  
5\. I’m a registered sex offender (#28)  
6\. Strap me in (#25)
> 
> Bill  
1\. Weather report (#32)  
2\. Put it up the ass song (Back To School Special)  
3\. Probably wondering why I brought you here (#7)  
4\. Game of Thrones chicken (#22)  
5\. Rattata (#Back To School Special)  
6\. Wingardium leviosa (#7)
> 
> Mike  
1\. ---  
2\. Her mama was a cowboy (#14)  
3\. Magic show (#14)  
4\. Life alert (Back To School Special)  
5\. Chilly at Hogwarts (Back To School Special)  
6\. Game of Thrones (#24)
> 
> Ben  
1\. A little drum (#14)  
2\. That ass is fat (((  
3\. Drum show (#14)  
4\. Big scissors (#14)  
5\. Act natural Dakota (#28)  
6\. ---
> 
> Eddie  
1\. So i’m back to claire (#23)  
2\. Dick punching (#14)  
3\. Would you buy these Nikes? (#15)  
4\. I recently found out… (#3)  
5\. ---  
6\. Princess diana (#28)


	2. LOSER TAKES ON THE MAN CAVE (Ben Does It Himself!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Hanscom ** @benjidawdle: ** ANOTHER EPISODE OF BEN DOES IT HIMSELF: loser takeover style! >>>>> pls watch :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about bill’s stutter: after doing some research i’m cutting down on how often i write it bc i trust yall to understand bill has a stutter! his Trouble Letters are g’s (‘guh’ sounds mostly), w’s, p’s, and s’s.
> 
> ok enjoy!!!

**LOSER TAKES ON THE MAN CAVE (Ben Does It Himself!)**

_ benjidawdle _

The video began with five short clips, all captioned with the header _ ON TODAY’S EPISODE… _

  1. The camera was close-up on Richie’s face as he screeched, “DIY-not?”
  2. Bill sat on the couch, holding a stack of papers. He turned to the camera and, while laughing, asked, “Did - did I create Trashmouth Tozier?” He held up one of the papers, which had a drawing of Richie inside of a garbage can. (It was really only clear that the drawing was of Richie due to the large pair of coke-bottle glasses on the page.)
  3. “How old is that a microwave?” Ben’s voice asked while the camera zoomed in quickly to a microwave tucked underneath a small table in the corner of the man-cave.
  4. Richie and Bill sat cross-legged, heads peeking out through a frame as they screamed, “Ohhhhhhhh!”
  5. “That’s how it is now,” Richie exasperatedly told the camera, with Bill laughing next to him. “It’s done!”

“Hey everyone! We are back with another episode of Ben Does It Himself!” Ben said as the introduction to his video began. “As you guys probably know - well, hopefully - this video is day two of Loser Takeover Month, so we’re gonna be redecorating Richie and Bill’s _ extremely _ disgusting man cave!” Behind Ben stood Stan, Mike, Eddie, and Beverly, who all cheered. “I’ll be working today with the help of my lovely assistants-” he gestured behind him vaguely- “and Eddie.”

“Hey!” Eddie squawked, but everyone just laughed at him. “Asshole. Who taught you snark?”

“Richie,” responded everyone, including Ben, at the same time.

“Anyways,” Ben continued. “I know what I’m doing, and they are my friends, so it’s perfect! So first, we’re gonna meet Bill and Richie.”

“Well, they know Bill and Richie,” Beverly piped up. Ben huffed.

“Yeah,” he whined. “I know, I’m just trying to make it like-”

Mike cut him off, “Like one of those HGTV shows!”

“Yes, exactly!”

“Oh my God,” Stan butt in. “Just cut to the interview.”

The scene cut to a transition screen with the title, _ MEET BILL AND MORON #2 _, and then to Bill and Richie opening up their apartment door and greeting Ben as he walked through the entryway. He pulled both of them in for a hug at the same time, Richie laughing and Bill smiling sweetly.

“S-so this is our apartment,” Bill said. “W-we’ve been here for almost a year now, w-we moved in here p-pretty much immediately after g-graduation. Uh, Stan moved in with us about six months ago.”

“Like, _ right _ before they started dating,” Richie added.

Bill laughed. “Yeah,” he admitted, wringing his hands in front of him. “Yeah, like literally two w-weeks.”

“We started with a lot of shitty used furniture from our other apartment, but we’ve been kind of replacing it recently, especially now that Stan’s here and passionately against sitting on the Cum Couch.”

“The _ what _ couch?” Ben asked Richie, eyebrows shooting up on his forehead as he laughed incredulously.

Richie gestured for Ben to follow him and Bill as they moved over towards a small fabric couch in their living room area. “We got it from a young-ish married couple back in Derry, and they explained we would have to clean it ‘thoroughly’-” Richie added finger-quotes around the word _ thoroughly _ \- “so we brought it to some cleaner guy and he was like, _ Oh shit, this is nasty, that’s definitely cum _. And then when we got it back he basically said he couldn’t get the stains out but, in theory, the couch is clean.”

“But it’s _ so _ g-g-gross,” Bill added. “Nobody s-sits on it except us, honestly.”

Ben laughed and looked at the camera. “Yeah, whenever we all hang out here - which is pretty often because three of the seven Losers live here - everyone sits on the other couch.” He turned back to Bill and Richie, who were laughing and nodding their agreement. “Well, so Stan’s asked me to fix up your man cave, which is the office, right?”

“Yeah,” Bill agreed. “It w..w-was my room for like, the two weeks that Stan and I weren’t dating, but then I - I kind of just…s-started staying in Stan’s room and Richie started moving shit into m-my room and - yeah. Now it’s the man cave.”

“No one sleeps in it,” Richie explained. “There’s a bed, but it’s objectively super gross and, similar to the Cum Couch, only Bill and I sit on it. The XBOX is in there, the PS4, we have a Wii, too, and all of our board games are on a shelf in there. But it’s like… really messy.”

The camera panned around the living room and kitchen, showing two relatively nice rooms. The living room had two couches - the ‘Cum Couch’ and a larger leather couch - and a small, dark coffee table with Richie’s laptop and a few books. Then, in the kitchen, the counters were made of cheap-looking granite, the stove small and charred but in good condition, and the fridge covered in notes and photos from/of the Losers Club, fans, etcetera. The clippings were organized by friends or fans (Stan) and colorful labels hung over each section (Bill).

The video cut to Mike and Ben, standing outside of an apartment complex which seemed to house Bill, Stan, and Richie. Mike was cross-armed, weight shifted back on the foot further away from Ben as he listened to Ben speak. Ben asked, “So you’re dating Bill and Stan?” Mike nodded. “Which means you spend a lot of time at their apartment,” Ben continued. “What are your thoughts on the man cave?”

“You mean Mr. Tozier’s Wild Ride? That’s what Stan and I have started calling it, ‘cause it’s largely made of Richie’s shit and Bill just frequents the room.” Mike huffed a laugh. “Honestly, it’s super gross in there, and that’s coming from the only person besides Bill, Richie, and Beverly who is willing to enter that room. It’s so messy, it’s disgusting, and like - _ yes _ , Bill and Rich are college kids, but they’re both pretty neat and well-off, so that’s honestly the _ only _ room in the apartment that’s gross. Bill shares his room with Stan, so it’s really clean, and Richie is just surprisingly not super messy. I don’t know. I hate that room, I hate going in there, Stan won’t even cross the threshold, it just - it needs to be fixed.”

“So it’s like _ gross _-gross,” Ben confirmed.

“Yes,” Mike agreed passionately. “It’s gross.”

The video switched back to Ben, Richie, and Bill in the living room, and Ben threw his hands up. “Okay, I want to see the man cave.” Richie cheered, and Bill laughed, gesturing for Ben to follow him. When the door to the room swung open, Ben’s jaw dropped and the camera zoomed in on him. “Wow.”

The camera panned to the man cave, which showed a single twin mattress tucked away in the corner of the small room. Stacks on stacks of video game consoles and entangled HDMI cables traversed the corners of the room. An old box TV stood on the desk adjacent to the bed, and there was a dirty, grease-stained microwave underneath the desk.

“How old is that microwave?” Ben asked, in the same way he had at the beginning of the video.

Richie cracked up, struggling to breathe. “So old,” he admitted. “Bill stole it from his parents’ house back in fucking Derry, when we were moving into our first apartment. We bought a new fucking microwave for the kitchen, but - I don’t know why but we kept that one. I guess so we don’t have to leave to eat food in here?”

“And how much liquor is in here? ‘Cause the smell is _ potent _. Oh my God, and the weed, holy shit you guys.” Ben laughed and Bill shoved his shoulders playfully.

“W-we aren’t, uh, 21 yet, so I’m not g-gonna respond that,” Bill joked.

“This room,” Ben said breathlessly. “This room is _ disgusting _. I’m so excited to destroy it.” 

Richie’s jaw dropped so far it was hard to tell if he was joking or not.

“So,” Ben said, the camera now shifting to a tripod on the far corner of the room so the video shot the full room at once. It seemed to be filmed somewhat later, though not a different day, and Ben stood with all of the Losers Club. “To start this project, we’re going to empty out the man cave.” He turned to Richie and Bill, who stood just behind Ben and a little bit in front of the other Losers. “Ready?”

“Fuck yeah,” Bill said, and Ben beamed.

“Let the destruction begin!” Richie shouted, and the Losers cheered, all racing to separate areas of the room and tossing things into boxes.

Eddie held a grimy Nerf gun up gingerly, his pointer finger and thumb creating an ‘O’ around the trigger. “Is this from fucking middle school or something? It’s - it’s _ so _dirty.”

Richie laughed and snatched it out of Eddie’s hands. “This is _ definitely _ from middle school. Bill and I used to have Nerf gun competitions all the time.”

“Richie s...s-sucked!” Bill retorted from his spot beneath the camera, neck craned and back hunched over while he sorted through a cardboard box.

“So we’re placing essentials in this box, and the ‘absolutely-not’s in that one?” Beverly asked Ben, who stood beside her with his arms crossed thoughtfully. He nodded, and Beverly continued, “What about the stuff we’re not sure on?”

“By the windowsill,” Ben said, pointing. “Richie, dude, we’re not keeping the fucking _ Magic: The Gathering _ card!”

Even as Ben pulled the card out of Richie’s hand and tossed it into the garbage pile, Richie protested. “But it’s got Henry Bowers’ blood on it from when Bill punched him! It’s _ sacred _, Ben!”

“That’s disgusting,” Stan chided.

“And your high school bully’s blood stain on a fucking _ Magic: The Gathering _ card is not a good enough piece of obscure memorabilia for you to keep,” Mike added, and Stan - blindly, without even looking back at him - held a hand out over his shoulder for Mike to high five. Mike complied, laughing.

“So we split up for Beverly, Mike, Eddie, and Richie to go through all the shit in the man cave, while the rest of us sort through these-” Ben held up a stack of papers- “random ass papers. Apparently, Bill and Richie put _ all _ their miscellaneous shit in here, including legal documents and returned homework assignments from sophomore year.”

“Which means we need to get rid of _ all _ of it,” Stan said. Bill pouted and hid his face behind his stack of papers. Stan ducked behind it, the angle obscuring his face to the camera and thus hiding what happened next - a kiss, presumably - from the viewers. Ben rolled his eyes, but he was grinning too.

A second later in video-time (maybe minutes later during filming), Bill, Stan, and Ben were all sat on the couch, knees pressed together to stay in the shot while they shuffled through papers. Ben slid a frame over to him and lifted up a few postcards. “So,” he said, “these are postcards Bill and Richie sent to each other during childhood, which is so sweet? Bill, can you tell the story?”

“Yeah! W-w-whenever Richie or I went on a trip, w-we’d send each other p-postcards, but then we started doing it from like, when we saw a cool one at the grocery s-store and stuff. I kept all of mine, and I didn’t know it until w-we moved in together, but Richie kept his too.”

“That’s sweet,” Stan commented, voice like an airhead, like he was a little bit in awe of it. His brows were furrowed, lips quirked into just the slightest smile, and he was watching Bill with big doe eyes. “I didn’t know Richie could do something sweet,” he added, because he’s Stan.

Ben and Bill laughed. “Me neither,” Ben agreed, and began placing the postcards in the frame. “A little DIY tip, you can actually put them all in the frame together so they’re not taking up space - because these are like, not _ that _ cute, aesthetically speaking - but then you won’t lose them!” He held up the frame, the visible postcard being one that read _ Greetings from CALIFORNIA _, the state in that funny, retro, all-caps, block-letters font, adorned with poppy flowers and vineyards and the state capital building. “I put all the ones Richie sent Bill in this one, which the first one he sent up front, and I’m gonna do the same for the ones Bill sent!”

The video cut to Mike, Beverly, Eddie, and Richie in the man cave room. Richie was holding a video game controller, cradling it in both hands as if it were a treasured artifact. “Now, this may look like a regular old broken XBOX controller, but it’s not.” He flipped it around to show the _ TRASHMOUTH _ engraved there. “In middle school, Bill got an XBOX and got me a controller there to be like _ you’re always welcome to hang out with me always _ or whatever. The buttons don’t work anymore and the matching controllers are gone, but I don’t think Bill or I could throw it away.”

“It doesn’t even work,” Eddie pointed out, brows high up on his forehead.

“I know,” Richie hissed. “But it’s _ cute _, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Asshole,” Eddie hissed back.

“There’s s...s-something under here,” Bill said, picking at the photograph glued on a poster board. It was a DIY project from a little under a year ago, when Richie and Bill were trying to be cute and Pinterest-y, and Stan and Bill had just met so Bill was wanting to impress him. There were a bunch of pictures of Bill and Richie over the years, from when they were little kids back in first grade, to senior prom when neither of them had dates so they just went together as friends. Ben had explained, off camera, that he loved the idea and wanted to upgrade the project, so Bill started peeling off the photos to be reused. When he got one off, he barked out a laugh and held up a sheet of paper for Ben to see.

Ben laughed, and Stan leaned over to look at it too before rolling his eyes. Bill flipped the paper around for the audience to see, and it was the drawing from the intro of the video, a stick-figure Richie with huge glasses and red, overdrawn lips inside of a trash can like that Sesame Street character. “Did - did I create Trashmouth Tozier?” Bill asked, and they all laughed some more. 

Ben stood with Beverly and Eddie in the kitchen. “So, Eddie, Beverly, how is cleaning the man cave going so far?”

“It’s actually pretty good,” Beverly said, and the audio switched to a voice over as the video showed a few muted clips of the four room-cleaners working. “Richie was not okay with the idea that we’d only keep what was good enough to display, so him and Mike are working on the memory box right now.”

“He’s doing really well at being emotional for like, a minute, and then throwing it away,” Eddie added. “But there’s really so much stuff in there.”

Beverly hummed. “Yeah, we really had no idea how much would be in there,” she agreed.

The video cut to Mike and Richie on the floor, surrounded by Richie’s knick-knacks in an otherwise barren room (except for the bed and TV, both of which had been pushed against the wall). “Richie, it’s time to get serious,” Mike said. “We gotta start throwing stuff away, or Stan will just burn everything in here.”

Richie sighed, but he relented. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Honestly, this is - garbage. I won’t need it anymore.” He handed over a blue tomato stress ball thing, and Mike shuffled it into the garbage bag. “Oh, this is sad,” Richie laughed wetly, and the video shifted to a time lapse of Mike, Beverly, Eddie, and Richie cleaning out the room.

The next cut showed Bill vacuuming the carpet while Richie cackled behind him. “It’s a different fucking color,” Richie screeched. “We’re disgusting!”

Bill laughed in agreement. “Honestly,” he said. “S...s-so gross.”

The video cut again, and the vacuum had been put away. Ben looped an arm around each of their shoulders and pulled them in close. They both laughed and held onto his waist. “Your man cave is clean now,” Ben said, prompting the camera to pan over the entire room. “Are you ready to start your DIY project?”

After zooming close up onto Richie’s face, Richie squawked, just like in the intro, “DIY-not?”

Ben sat with Stan at the kitchen table in the next segment. “So for the DIY project, you wanted to make the man-cave a little bit more practical for Bill and Richie,” Ben said, prompting Stan to explain.

“Yeah,” Stan agreed. “I know it’s pretty small, and the bed and TV take up a lot of space, but I think it’d be nice to use as an office or workspace for either of them.”

“Which is why our DIY project will be a little fold down desk type thing,” Ben explained to the camera, and a small diagram took over the video while Ben switched to voiceover. “We’re gonna have Bill and Richie work on this with my supervision, but really, it’s their project. Well, not _ really _ , because I did all the prep work, but anyway. Step one-” Ben’s instruction was met with an edit of _ STEP ONE: build the frame _ overlaying the diagram- “build the frame. I cut it and painted it for them, so it’ll be super easy.”

“They’re useless,” Stan commented as the video screen showed him and Ben again, and Ben laughed.

The video moved back to the diagram-edit thing, with what Ben was saying appearing on the screen. “Once we’ve built that, we’ll move to step two, which is installing the hinges, so that we can have the fold-down tabletop.” The video showed Ben’s face again, but halfway through what he said next, it returned to the edit. “We’re gonna decorate the bottom of the table top, so it’s cute when it’s folded up, and then the final step is putting in a safety latch so the tabletop doesn’t fall open whenever you close it.”

“Four steps. That sounds pretty easy,” Stan mused, and Ben hummed.

“Really not that hard,” he agreed.

Bill and Richie were sat on the floor, Richie holding a power drill and Bill carrying the instructions. “Okay,” Bill read, “do a right angle w-w-with that piece on the inside.” He pointed at the two intersecting planks of white wood, and Richie held up one of them. Bill nodded an affirmation.

“They’re lined up - I think. I’m so terrified right now,” Richie admitted. Bill helped him balance the two pieces together, and Richie turned on the screwdriver, immediately shrieking. “It’s loud!”

“First incision,” Bill remarked, and Richie stuck the screwdriver in.

“Holy shit!” he squawked. Bill laughed. “This thing is powerful!”

Richie continued to sporadically click at the screwdriver, causing it to churn in short bursts before he pulled it away entirely. Bill leaned over to look at it, before shouting out, “Ben, can you look at this real quick?” 

The video cut to Ben draped over both their bodies using the screwdriver. After a minute, he craned his neck to look up at Richie and said, “It’s totally fine.”

“Okay, sick,” Richie said.

Bill grinned. “Then we’re crushing it, get out of here,” he told Ben, poking at his ribcage.

The video, again, cut, and showed Richie standing, holding the two fully-attached pieces of wood. “If you thought that I was gonna fuck this up, then you’re a _ looooooserrrr _,” Richie teased, holding the L up.

Bill smacked his arm, though he was still sitting so he had to stretch out to reach above Richie’s wrist. “They’re not losers, we’re Losers!” he retorted. Richie giggled and dropped back to the ground.

The next cut showed the wood pieces with a third plank attached, and Richie shrieked as he misaligned the screwdriver. “That’s how it is now,” Richie screeched. “It’s done!” Bill laughed beside him, patting his back sympathetically.

As the video moved to the next scene, Richie had brought out the fourth plank, and was now attaching it to the others. Ben joined them on the floor, helping Richie and Bill balance it. “Do you think Stan is gonna be proud of you guys?” Ben asked.

Bill giggled. “I think he’s g...g-g... he’ll assume you did most of the w-work.”

Another beat passed, another clip began, and Richie stood up the box to lean his head through it. “Yes!” he cheered, and Bill whooped behind him.

“I’m afraid to like-” Bill cut himself off as he adjusted the hinges on the board that were being held down by the screwdriver. “I just g-gotta commit, right?”

“Yeah, just gotta commit,” Ben agreed from beside him.

“It’s a metaphor,” Richie commented, and Bill blindly kicked at him, but he laughed too.

The video moved again, and Richie had replaced Bill’s spot in front of the hinges. Beverly sat with them on the floor now too, she and Ben drinking Philz Coffee. Bill and Richie had drinks too, but those were abandoned and put aside. Richie was leaned over the box, elbows bracing his body as he stuck his butt out in the air. “This is a bad position for a boy with a bad back to be in for a long time,” Richie complained.

“I just hope I don’t get a boner,” Ben responded, and Beverly and Bill sputtered beside him.

“Dude,” Bill hissed. “Your g-girlfriend is _ right _ there.”

“She gets it,” Ben said at the same time Richie wailed happily, “I taught you so well!”

Richie and Bill were sat cross-legged in the next cut, hidden behind the DIY project. Ben stood in front of the camera and bent over to fold down the tabletop, and Richie and Bill screamed their ‘oh’s in response. They both spouted nonsense - “Nice!” “Look at that!” “Wow!” - in high pitched voices as the video cut once more.

For step three, Bill peeled off the back of a striped, white wallpaper and pressed it onto the unpainted side of the tabletop.

Ben and Bill held the table box thing against the wall while Richie pulled it open to see how it fit in the room. “It’s like a baby changing table,” he commented.

“Except the baby would fall off,” Ben pointed out.

Richie waved him off. “I rolled off a changing table and I turned out just fine,” he said. Bill gave a doubtful look to the camera.

The video displayed a header reading _ A FEW DAYS LATER _ , and beneath, in smaller letters, _ because we were really busy filming a bunch of other videos soz :( _ before it moved back to Ben, Bill, and Richie standing together. “Alright you guys,” Ben said. “You guys did great cleaning up the room and putting this table together, so it’s time for the finishing touches.”

“Which means: montage!” Richie cheered.

A song - ‘_ PATTERNS’ _ by _ atlas _ \- began playing while the montage started. The video was met with one of those niche overlays, with the timestamp reading _ JAN. 18 2020 _ as the filter caused the clips to be grainy and crackle over. Various clips of the three of them flashed on screen; it began with Richie holding a screwdriver, Bill adjusting a television, Ben immediately readjusting the television, Richie pumping his fists, Ben reorganizing all their wires, the three of them rolling out a carpet, Bill and Richie dancing obnoxiously, and continued even as a voiceover began playing along with the music. 

“I was a little bit worried,” Ben said. “This is a lot of stuff Bill and Richie haven’t done before, and the room itself was honestly crazy, but they did great. This is a really important time in Bill’s life with Stan and Mike, and in Richie’s with just - life, so a room where they can just chill out and destress is totally necessary, except when the room is disgusting.”

The montage ended with Richie holding _ Becoming Michelle Obama _ while copying the pose on the cover.

_ **THE REVEAL** _

“Okay, I finished the room with the help of the other Losers, so it’s time to surprise Bill, Richie, and Stan with the completed, new-and-improved, Tozier-Denbrough Man Hole.”

“_ Man Hole _?” Eddie chided. Ben rolled his eyes.

“Shh. Just enjoy the reveal.”

The video cut to the Losers all standing in the doorway, Eddie covering Richie’s eyes, Mike covering Stan’s, and Beverly covering Bill’s. Eddie was draped over Richie’s back to reach Richie at all, but Beverly stood around the same height as Bill, and Mike was a few inches taller than Stan. “Let me see,” Richie whined, pawing aimlessly at Eddie’s hands.

“No!” Eddie scolded.

Ben clapped his hands, drawing the attention from all the Losers back to him. “Okay, on three, open your eyes. One, two, three-”

Mike, Beverly, and Eddie jolted away from the other three, letting them open their eyes and blink the room into focus. Richie’s jaw dropped, and Bill giggled delightedly, and Stan even let a smile slip onto his features. “It’s clean,” Stan commented.

“No shit, Stan the Man,” Richie retorted. “And look how - how _ nice _ it is!”

“It’s really nice,” Bill agreed. “_ Wow _. Ben, you killed it.”

The room seemed to have doubled in size, with the bed and TV being pushed out of the way and the rest of the furniture being reorganized. The desk that once held the PC was replaced with the fold-down tabletop, and a black office chair was pushed underneath it. The bed had new white sheets and a fluffy grey comforter, and above the bed, there were photos of Bill and Richie from Bill’s repurposed DIY project, and now the other Losers too. In the center of it all hung a picture of all seven of them from Christmas.

“It’s _ really _ nice,” Bill repeated in awe. “Oh, w...w-wow. Ben!” Bill’s eyes welled up with tears.

“Are you gonna fucking cry?” Richie yelled. “No!” His voice began to crack. “Don’t cry, ‘cause then I’ll cry, fucking - Bill!”

Bill laughed wetly and threw his arms around Ben. Richie followed suit, tackling both of them in a dramatic hug. “You’re the best, Ben,” Richie said. Ben beamed, taking it all in.

“You guys,” he whined, blushing. Richie pressed a smacking kiss to his cheek, which Ben responded to with a shove.

“Do you like it?” Bill asked Stan. 

Stan smiled and wrapped his hand around Bill’s chin, pressing their lips together lightly. When he pulled away, Bill’s cheeks were flaming red. “Ben did an amazing job. The table is really well-built too. You and Trashmouth did great.”

Bill buried his face in Stan’s neck, and over his body, Richie gave Stan a loud, _ extremely _indiscrete high five.

_ **OUTRO** _

“So that was day two of Loser Takeover, and another edition of Ben Does It Himself. Thank you so much for watching, if you liked this video, _ please _ hit subscribe to stay up to date with all the new videos. This month’s videos will be taking place on all of our channels, so make sure you subscribe to the Losers as well!” Ben smiled for the duration of his outro.

“Tomorrow’s video will be on _ my _ channel,” Richie said, beaming. “It’ll be pretty much a _ day in the life _type video, so I’m really excited for you all to see that.”

“If you haven’t watched Bill’s video from day one, you can find that right here-” Ben pointed where it would be for the audience, the other Losers wiggling their fingers around the same spot- “and right above that is a video that YouTube picked out just for you. Check out the description for all of our social media and stuff!”

“Bye!”

* * *

**LOSER TAKES ON THE MAN CAVE (Ben Does It Himself!)**

_ benjidawdle _

uploaded April 2nd, 2020 (14:38)

**Ryan Lane: **ben… you sweet man. you did so good

**Cailey Dody:** I sometimes forget Ben is actually like studying this shit in school and does this for work and stuff… What a man

**discodaphne:** honestly this is so cute but i can’t get over bill asking if he created trashmouth tozier

** babeylesb:** right!! like i wonder what that means? i know trashmouth is richie’s nickname and stuff but i didn’t know it was a Thing

** ✓ benjidawdle:** Oh, it's a ‘thing’ alright! We pretty much exclusively refer to Richie as ‘Trashmouth’ when we’re hanging out. One of the videos this month will talk more about it!!!

**Samantha Buckley:** stan’s reaction I’M SOOOFTTT

** dicksterkoshter:** and his smile when the photos of bill and richie became photos of the losers club… bitch ill kill u

**Curtis J:** this is seriously just the softest video ever? the pics of all of them, mike and stan talking about bill and richie’s apartment, THE POST CARDS

** Miley Marcus:** But it’s also so funny too??? “Who taught you snark” “Richie”, “the Cum Couch”, “Mr Tozier’s Wild Ride”, "Meet Bill and Moron #2", THE MICROWAVE, (in reference to weed/alcohol) “the smell is POTENT”, etc. I love the Losers Club so much. The best best friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked this one :) if u have any video ideas comment!!! por favor <3


	3. MARIO KART CHAMPIONS (loser takeover)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ** @dickykosher: ** nw vdeo!!!!!!!!!! lnk in bio1!!!!!!!!!!!11! loser takeover DAY 3

**MARIO KART CHAMPIONS (loser vlog)**

_ dickykosher _

“If you’re new to my channel: hey, how’s it hanging? If you’re _ back _ on my channel…” Richie turned from the front-facing camera to look at another one filming from a different angle. “Hi. How’s it hanging? Stacey, did that guy ever call you back? Gerald, how’d that first date go? Let me know these important life updates. I missed you.”

Richie looked back at the first camera. “Subscribe to my channel and you’ll get an extra greeting at the beginning of every video! Anyways, today is pretty much just a regular old vlog, _ but _ since it’s Loser Takeover Month, I’m gonna be filming _ all _day. I have Losers in all my classes, so I’m gonna film that, and also lunch, us hanging out, all that shit. Alright!”

  
  


A video montage began playing with a soft-looking 90’s-esque filter overtop, similar to what Ben had for his montage in day two’s video. In this montage, Richie opened the blinds of his room, showing a busy Los Angeles morning on the street below. A caption overtop the scene read, _ today’s album: talon of the hawk (the front bottoms) _ , while the first song started playing. The camera was shaky as it zoomed in on the digital clock reading 7:04 AM. Richie sat tailor-fashion on his bed, the comforter all messy in a semi-circle around him while he donned a pair of basketball shorts and no shirts. (He’d edited Trump faces over his nipples because he had the sense of humor akin to a middle schooler.) His hair was unruly and the bags under his eyes were dark purple as he gulped down his coffee from a mug that said _ World’s Okayest Brother _ . The caption on the bottom of the screen was, _ my sister bought me this mug love u maria. _

  
  


“I actually have a skin care routine,” he said in the next clip as he walked barefoot down the hallway to the bathroom. The camera was extremely close to his face. “Stan complimented my skin one time while simultaneously making me aware of how little I take care of it, so I started washing my face in the morning, and not just when I shower at night! Thank you Stan.”

  
  


Another montage played, this time with captions. _ 1: brush them teeth _ in italics at the bottom of the screen while Richie brushed his teeth messily, the foam spreading all over his lips and the corners of his mouth. _ 2: wash ur hands _ was centered over the sink as Richie turned it on. _ 3: wash ur face _ , and he showed the label of his Burts Bees face wash before scrubbing at his skin, and then wiping it off his face with a washcloth. _ 3: toner??? idk i don’t understand it either _ , and another Burts Bees product was spread across his fingers and rubbed into his cheeks and forehead. _ 4: moisturize! _ and Richie sprayed himself with _ another _ Burts Bees product, finishing his routine with a cheesy, double thumbs up.

  
  


“And now, breakfast!” Richie said as he walked down the hallway. Once the camera was set up on the kitchen counter, Richie spoke again. “Bill, Stan, and I all have a morning class, which sucks so bad, but it’s philosophy so it’s honestly super chill. _ But _ that means we need to eat breakfast super early, and Bill and Stan are actually _ not _ morning people, but I am and I make a good fucking breakfast, so it’s my job to feed them!”

Richie stirred something in the pan, yelping when it splattered, and after another 10 or so seconds of montage with _ The Front Bottoms _ still playing, Richie shouted, “Breakfast!” He scooped a serving out for himself, revealing it to be a breakfast bowl. 

“What is it?” Stan asked sleepily, blindly grabbing the bowl Richie had gotten out for him. He was wearing a loose t-shirt, and the video angle cut off anything below his waist. “Smells good. Thanks.”

“It’s the kale-sweet potato shit you liked. From last week,” Richie answered around a mouthful. “You’re welcome.”

Stan grabbed a second bowl. “I’ll bring Bill his,” he explained, and pressed his head into Richie’s shoulder as he walked by.

“I was filming that,” Richie called.

“Whatever,” Stan said back. “Just cut it if I look really gross.” Richie grinned and winked at the camera.

  
  


“Okay, now that I’m fed, I have to get dressed. I leave for class in like 20 minutes, so I have time to finish what I didn’t watch last night of the new episode of _ The Good Place _.”

  
  


Richie panned the camera over the mirror. “I feel like one of those cringey college vloggers today,” he admitted. “But anyways! This is mostly stuff that Bev and I found when we went thrifting last week.” He was wearing a half-tucked, oversized blue t-shirt reading _ When I was a kid, I wanted to be older… (This is not what I was expecting!) _in Comic Sans, torn black skinny jeans, and a pair of boots. “The boots are from like, Nordstrom, or something. My mom got them for me, I don’t know.”

  
  


Richie zoomed in on Chidi talking on his television in the new-and-improved man cave, but the sound of Chidi’s voice was drowned out by Richie’s music.

  
  


“Stan, Bill, let’s get moving!” Richie called, bouncing around in the entryway of their apartment. “I’m gonna leave without you if you’re not here in 10, 9, 8-”

“Shut up, Rich,” Bill said as he came around the corner, looking famously tousled. Stan followed right behind, as prim and clean-cut as ever, but he was adjusting his shirt awkwardly.

“Make out _ after _ class,” Richie scolded. “Stan, I lived here first, don’t make me late ‘cause you’re whoring around.”

“Last time Eddie slept over, you _ skipped _ this class,” Stan responded cooly.

Richie scoffed and thumped him on the shoulder as the three of them walked down the hallway. “Eddie and I were playing Mario Kart, it’s very important to us and you _ know _ that!”

“Well, maybe making out with Bill is very important to me,” Stan snarked, and Bill simply blushed in the background. Richie cackled as he zoomed in on Bill’s pink cheeks, and Bill rolled his eyes and flipped off the camera.

  
  


“Hit the ‘woah’ with me,” Richie hissed as he propped the camera up discreetly on his lap, and angled it so Stan and Bill could be seen next to him. Bill was in the middle, and he elbowed Stan to look at Richie’s camera. “On three,” Richie instructed, and held up his fingers - one, two, three - before they all did as Richie asked. Richie was enthusiastic and constructed perfectly, Bill was sloppy but not disinterested, and Stan’s was half-assed at best. Richie looked ecstatic anyway.

  
  


“So now I’m on my way to Mike and I’s math class! Us and Stan are the only Losers that like math, ‘cause we’re weirdos. I don’t even really like _ math _ specifically, I’m just good at it and I like being good at things. Anyways, it’ll be fun.”

  
  


Richie zoomed in on Mike’s face as he walked towards the camera, Richie jumping and cheering while the music kept playing. Mike laughed and handed Richie an iced coffee, which made Richie cheer even louder.

  
  


The next clip that played was of Richie slurping his iced coffee loudly and obnoxiously in the middle of his class. Behind him, you could see all the annoyed students who were becoming increasingly frustrated with his antics, until suddenly Mike’s hand came, in the blink of an eye, and punched Richie in the gut so hard he spat his coffee onto his lap dramatically. He pouted at Mike, but there was a twinkle in his eyes too, like he thought it was all hilarious anyway.

  
  


“Mike and I just finished math class-” Mike cut off Richie to cheer- “so it’s lunchtime now! Mike has a date with his _ boyfriends _so I’m gonna be eating all alone.”

“Eddie is eating with you today, dumbass,” Mike scolded. Richie huffed and flipped him off, but Mike’s phone started buzzing before Richie could respond, and Mike tossed a hand up to ruffle Richie’s hair. “That’s Stan, I’m off, _ loveyoubye _!”

“You too,” Richie called as Mike hustled away. “Time to eat alone. In solitude. With no one to talk to. No one to love. Woe is me, I prithee, peace — my soul is full of sorrow! For never was a story more woe than this of-”

“Okay, asshole,” Eddie’s voice squawked from off-screen as Richie walked closer to him. “I won’t buy your lunch today then.”

“_ Nooo _, wait,” Richie whined and threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him into view. Eddie stood a full eight inches shorter than Richie, and his head could easily tuck underneath Richie’s chin. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and westernized Chinese food the sun.”

“Stop quoting Romeo and Juliet at me,” Eddie huffed, rolling his eyes. “You always do that.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’d make a great Juliet. I mean, she was probably taller than you, but-”

Before Richie could finish, Eddie punched him in the side. He doubled over, but he was laughing with a smile so blinding it seemed to glitter. Eddie was smiling too, although his grin was mostly obscured by his teeth as he tried to bite it away. “Come on, I wanna get there before it starts filling up.”

  
  


Richie and Eddie sat in the cafeteria with off-brand Panda Express in front of them. They sat next to each other in an empty corner of the lunchroom, with the camera across from them to film. The camera caught bits and pieces of their conversation, but mostly was muted for the duration of the montage. Once they had finished their food, the sound came back on and the montage finished with Richie saying, “I’ll kick your ass tonight at Mario Kart.”

Eddie scoffed. “Bet,” he snapped. “Actually, let’s make it a competition. Have the Losers all watch it and place bets and shit. I already _know_ Bev’s on my side.”

“Bev’s my best friend, hop off!” Richie shrieked.

Eddie laughed and punched Richie’s shoulder. “She’s my _ sister _, fuckwad. She’s legally obligated to be on my side.”

“That’s not true for all sisters and you know it,” Richie responded. “Maria would be on your side _ so _ fast.” Richie paused while Eddie grinned before realization struck. “Wait-” Richie tried to defend himself, but it was too late.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m fucking _ better than you _,” Eddie jeered, poking at Richie’s ribcage. Richie squirmed away, scrunching up his nose and batting at Eddie’s fingers.

“You’re the worst,” Richie said.

“Not according to your sister,” Eddie grinned.

“If you make a joke about fucking my sister, I’ll kill you.”

“I’m _ gay _!”

“I don’t care! If you do it, I’ll kill you!”

“Oh my God.”

The screen went to black after Eddie rolled his eyes.

  
  


There was a beat of silence as the song ended and a description flashed over the screen:_ ok so i forgot to film the rest of the day… im so sorry? if it makes u feel better my next class was gonna be a writing class with ben and bill but it ended up being cancelled bc our prof was sick, so i just went home and did my homework? but i started filming again when bill and stan got back home and we started prepping for the mario kart competition. ok next part here we go. _

Another caption flashed over the screen, this time one of those Spongebob timestamps with the voiceover reading it aloud: _ 4 Hours Later _.

  
  


“Okay, so all the Losers are coming over tonight to witness the Richie versus Eddie Mario Kart contest. We’re going all out for this - Stan’s setting up a betting pool right fucking now in a groupchat that neither Eddie or me is in, and Bill is getting snacks. I’m very excited to kick Eddie’s ass.”

“You’re not gonna kick Eddie’s ass,” Stan responded from another room. “Eddie’s better than you at Mario Kart and you know it.”

“Thank you, Stan,” Richie responded cheerfully and winked at the camera.

  
  


With another song playing, Richie opened the door for each Loser as they came in: Mike, Ben, Beverly, and finally, Eddie.

“You’re the last one here, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie said, laughing, as he opened the door for Eddie.

Eddie rolled his eyes and huffed, pushing past Richie and into the apartment. “I know I’m late, you dick. And don’t call me Eddie Spaghetti.”

“What were you doing? Jerking it to pics of my mom? I do the same to yours, but it’s kind of _ wrong _, you know-”

“I had a class! You know I had a class!” Eddie screeched.

  
  


A comment on the screen said, _ i DID know eddie had a class, i’m just FUNNY and MEAN. _

  
  


“It’s time to begin,” Richie told the camera, which was now propped up to capture the entire living room. The screen was split in half, with the Losers on one side and the game of Mario Kart on the other. Richie was playing as Princess Peach, and Eddie as Mario. The two of them were sat in the middle of the couch, and the Losers were split on either side of the couch, having chosen their ‘teams’ before the filming began. On Richie’s side sat Beverly (yes, and this probably did cause an uproar at the next family reunion), and Eddie had Ben, Bill, Mike, and Stan. “Clearly, everyone except Beverly is a fucking moron, but that’s fine. They’ll all lose their four bucks and Beverly will be rich.”

“You’ve literally _ never _ won, dipshit,” Eddie retorted.

Beverly’s head snapped up and she leaned over to ask Richie, “Wait, if they’re each betting four dollars, what happens when we lose? Do I give four dollars to the team or to each of them?”

At the same time that Eddie said, “Each of them,” Richie screeched, “Why did you bet on me if you think I’m going to lose?”

Beverly looked at Eddie and said, “That’s bullshit. I’m giving them four dollars, they can split it up.” Then she turned to Richie with a sad smile. “I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Richie gasped. “Bitch,” he whispered, eyes round and teary like a dog died.

“Ok, boomer,” Stan said, and Richie launched the group into chaos again.

  
  


The video cut. “We’re starting for real, now,” Richie said, everyone in the same spots as before but looking a hundred times more disheveled and energized. “Stan said a meme and really, that’s all I care about now, but I’ll still fight Eddie. For the mems.”

“The _ mems _!” Bill guffawed. Richie reached over Eddie and punched Bill straight in the gut, and Mike smacked Richie’s hand away.

“Play nice,” Mike instructed. 

Richie mocked him in a funny voice, but pulled his hand away regardless. “Let’s start then,” he said, and looked for confirmation from Eddie who nodded and shrugged. “Okay, we’re gonna shuffle the race and then Stan will count us down.”

“Shuffled,” Eddie said as he clacked on a button on his remote. “Stan?”

“The Wii will count you down,” Stan pointed out, gesturing towards the already beeping television.

“Do it anyway!” Richie demanded.

Stan huffed, but stood. “In three-” short pause- “two-” shorter pause- “one-_ go!” _

Richie squawked and stomped his foot as their carts took off. Eddie was already scooting towards the end of the couch, practically squatting with little to no weight actually being supported by anything other than his legs. The Losers all cheered for Eddie, save for Beverly, who was shouting, “Yeah, Richie! Drive - drive that car!”

He laughed at her and kicked her ankle. She responded with a gasp and a kick back to him. Quickly, he was multitasking, managing to kick Beverly back while still playing Mario Kart, and actually doing _ well; _ they were playing with CPUs, and Richie was in 2nd place, while Eddie was taking up 4th.

“Shit,” Eddie hissed. “Fuck - Richie, stop, I - stop!”

Richie cackled, pulling his foot away from Beverly and leaning forward in his spot. “Oh my God,” he said deliriously. “I’m gonna beat Eddie! Maybe. Maybe, I don’t want to jinx it, but I might beat Eddie.”

“No!” Eddie wailed. “No, no, you’ve never won in your entire fucking life! You cheated!”

“I’ve been training!” Richie shouted back. “Oh - fuck!”

Eddie was in 3rd, and Richie in first. They crossed the line that began their final lap only seconds apart. Eddie screeched as he rounded the corner.

“I have a blue shell!” Eddie screamed.

“No! Fuck you! Eddie, don’t you fucking dare!”

Eddie dared. Richie took a blue shell, and he spun around a full three seconds. In that time, Eddie sped up to 2nd place. Richie screamed for the entire time, and did not stop until his car started moving again and, by the grace of God, he didn’t lose his spot.

“No!” Eddie screamed. “No! No! Stop it! Richie! Richie-”

“Holy shit,” Richie said disbelievingly as he approached the finish line. “I’m - I - yes! I won!”

Eddie followed behind less than a second later, but it was too late. He lost.

Everyone reveled in the silence for almost a full fifteen seconds before Beverly jumped to her feet and screamed, “Money!”

“No!” Bill cried. “Eddie!”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, half a wail, and flopped into Bill’s lap. “I thought - Richie _ never _ wins,” he whined, voice muffled by Bill’s sweatshirt.

“I don’t think I’ve ever won,” Richie said with wide, sparkling eyes. “Bev! I won!”

  
  


**OUTRO**

“Okay, so this vlog is getting pretty long, I bet, so I’ll just do the outro now!” Richie said, the Losers all standing behind him. “I’m so glad the only time I’ve ever kicked Eddie’s ass is going to be memorialized forever, thank you YouTube! Um, what’s tomorrow’s Takeover?”

“It’s mine!” Mike chirped, moving to stand beside Richie. “Tomorrow, we’re going to be spending the night in a haunted location-”

“No!” Eddie whined.

“Wait-” Stan tried to protest, but Bill shut him down with a giggle and poke to the ribs.

“Shush,” Mike said to Stan and Eddie. “We’re going to be spending the night in a haunted location which will be revealed tomorrow. Richie, Bev, and I have done this a few times and we’re now forcing the other Losers to join.”

“I’m excited to see which one of you guys are really pussies. Besides the obvious two,” Beverly teased and gestured vaguely towards Eddie and Stan. Eddie stuck out his tongue at her, and Stan just flipped her off.

“Anyways! If you enjoyed this garbage, give it a thumbs up! One like equals, uh-”

“One chili dog from Der Wienerschnitzel,” Ben offered.

Richie snapped excitedly. “Yes!” he agreed. “Yep, that - Ben said it. Information about today’s album is in the description box, and head on over to the Loser Takeover playlist to watch the rest of our shenanigans!”

An outro animation took over the screen as the Losers all cheered goodbyes, and the last song came to an end.

* * *

**MARIO KART CHAMPIONS (loser takeover)**

_ dickykosher _

April 3, 2020 (15:38)

**Curtis J:** why is richie like… cute-cute

** Samantha Buckley: **i mean he’s like… gay-gay

**Margaret Davis:** i cannot believe richie won. iconic

** ✓ dickykosher:** got 2 tell u margaret, i cudn’t blve it ithr

** Margaret Davis:** i forgot that you type like a crackhead! thanks for the notice but richie i’m dying pl e ase

** ✓ dickykosher: **hee hee B)

**Bailey Johnson:** Um? Is anyone gonna talk about the fact that when Richie said Mike was on a date with his boyfriends, Mike immediately responded about Eddie?

** discodaphne:** not to mention that when richie was like “ur late” stan brought up eddie then too!!

** dicksterkoshter:** i hate being a fan thats up in rich’s business but... he and eddie r in lov

**Stacey May:** When Richie calls out our life updates, I’m automatically shot in the heart… He’s so sweet. The guy did call me back! We have a date tomorrow night :)

** ✓ dickykosher:** o!!! yay!!!! happy af 4 u stacey <3

**Jenna B:** LIFE UPDATE! just got accepted into my top 2 schools so i’m trying to make a decision now !!

**araniac:** i love the front bottoms!!! anotha good aotd thank u bitchy toesure!

** ✓ dickykosher:** dnt brng tht ncknme bakc B(

** araniac:** THEN LEARN 2 SPELL 

** ✓ dickykosher:** gess m bitchy toesure now

**Mason R:** This video is so soft!!! Richie making breakfast in the AM. Stan doing the thing to Richie’s shoulder as a thank you. Mike buying Richie coffee. The Romeo and Juliet references. Richie you’re fucking adorable mate

** quartelybi:** i srsly cannot get over richie aggressively quoting shakespeare at eddie and eddie bLUSHING bithcksfhsdl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy richie's video! here is the link for all of richie's aotd songs! i'll add more as his video chapters are uploaded :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1mDN2bwq8tiIt5YKU8s7C4?si=UW0HbhwPSqWQnUq7_QMZFA

**Author's Note:**

> mini explanation of the users + their social media
> 
> Bill: _ BDEnergy _ (like big dick energy but... bill denbrough energy)  
also _ martha dumptruck @intheflesh _ (he started as a twitter kid... he's a gamer)  
Richie: _ dickykosher _ (cuz...jewish richie) (tik tok + david dobrik type stuff)  
Ben: _ benjidawdle _ (think Try DIY on try guys or bullet journal type vids)  
Beverly & Eddie: _ BVE Productions _ (they have a channel Together!)  
Mike: _ Mike vs. The Cinematic Agenda _ (started as movie theories but now kind of like BFU and Shane Dawson)  
Stan: _ Stanley Uris Photography _ (photography tutorial videos uwu like Jessica Whittaker or whatever her name is)  
also _ @stanleyubirdbook _ (his bird watching super famous IG)


End file.
